Trinity

My last term as Poet Laureate was not much more productive than Hilary it must be said, once again largely thanks to impending Finals, and then the opposite but similarly inhibiting effects of just having finished Finals. I'll post the two poems in reverse order since the JCR Meeting Poem is somewhat negative in tone and I don't want to end on a snide downer. Plus I was much more pleased with my Kipling-esque ode to Oxons than my attempt to lay into our JCR Treasurer's inventive use of JCR funds.


JCR Meeting - We Don’t Need Another Hero

I'm afraid to say this poem
won't exactly be a glowing
speech on how well things are going
in our little common room

For there's something very wrong
and though it's been here all along
we'll all be doomed before too long
if we don't do something and soon

The issue that's perturbing me
Is sadly and disturbingly
no false hype or hyperbole
it just might kill us all

A crisis worse than nuclear war in
fact more dire than global warming
Brace yourselves and heed this warning
our teacups are too small.

A fearful cry escapes your lips
and rightly so I'm sorry it's
a crockery apocalypse
the end of civilisation

But wait, though things can't get much worse
before we all succumb to thirst
and coffee burns let me say first
I may have found salvation

Because you see the thing we need
Is someone who can take the lead
Our mugs have failed, but he'll succeed

When football teams need cash for lashing
or any sweet machine needs smashing
to the rescue he comes dashing

And if our tea woes he can rid
then two hundred and fifty quid
and one laptop I'd gladly bid


And now to finish off for the time being. I may pop back to post any more archival things I find lying around, in particular I'll see if I can dig up any of the poems written by my predecessor, one Cesare Omissi, who is notable for having written the only poem in living memory which was actually censored by the then JCR President. If I can get it off him I'll put it up. To end these posts thought, here is a poem which demonstrates unequivocally that you shouldn't apply for beginning-of-term vac res unless you are comfortable with the idea of pottering around a college devoid of anyone you know.


Come Back

The winter's chill is over(ish), the summer skies are clear
And sun and spire cry out to all that Trinity is here

The busses honk and bustle as the tourists flock and fuss
And college bells from towers yell "Students, return to us!"

Come back you far flung Oxons, from North, east south and west
Come back to dear old Oxford, the town we love the best

Come back you distant Oxons, from foreign lands afar
Repopulate new building and the empty JCR

Come back you noble Oxons, cast of your jeans and coat, a
pair of shorts or dress is best, and don't forget the boater

Come back courageous Oxons, fear not exams or tests
But help to clear the quad of those annoying conference guests

Come back by car or coach or train, I really don't care how
But please just come back quickly cos it's bloody dull right now