Michaelmas Week 5

Ahh 5th Week, and the old blues were upon us to be sure. At least, they were in my meeting poem. I had also received a second commission to pen something for the launch of the Medieval Ball. Here ye goeth then.


Healthe and Fafetye Gonne Madde

Welcome dear ladies and gentlemen all,
To this friday night formal and the launch of the ball!
As I'm sadly not able to be here in person
I suppose someone else is now getting my verse on
And whoever they are, I hope they've had the time
To read it already, as not all of it follows the same meter.

I assume that you know what the theme's going to be,
It sounds pretty cool as I'm sure you'll agree.
But as for the practical side I'm not sure,
That we ought to go back to those days of yore...
I don't want this sounding all safety obsessed,
But there's one or two questions we need to address.

I've got some examples in case I seem vague:
Will those alcohol handwash things keep out the plague?
If we all ride on horses to lectures that day,
What on earth will the animal rights people say?
Should we lock all the showers for that authentic stench?
Install a port-cullis to to fend off the French?

Will a great coat of arms be hung over our door would
A 3rd in collections get you hung drawn and quartered?
(I think those last two might already be true)
And I'm not sure I'd fancy a pan for a loo.
Though tipping it out into magpie lane
Might at least make the tourists groups less of a pain.

Of course knights in armor and castles are cool,
(By far the best bit about history at school).
And I don't mean to go around killing your joy,
But a seven foot broadsword isn't a toym
And if these kinds of issues aren't given some thought
There'll be killing of a rather more literal sort.

But I don't want to end on a negative note,
So before you rush off to start digging the moat,
If anyone says that our ball won't be awesome,
Take a moment to empty yourself of remorse then
You give them a taste of our college's class
And get medieval on their ass!



JCR Meeting 3 - Fifth Week Blues

It's fifth week and I'm feeling the blues,
So my poem you'll have to excuse.
When I'm caught in a fix,
Last resort limericks,
Take the place of my absentee muse.

And although some may label it cheating,
I must hope that the pizza you're eating,
Will help you get cracking,
And though poetry's lacking,
That this won't detract (much) from the meeting.