Hust

At the husting, there were a number of factors in my favour. Of the three original candidates, one had already dropped out (bowing to the extreme pressure of my smear campaign I suspect). Of the two remaining, I was the only one to turn up, and I have it on good authority that my opponent was at home playing Empire: Total War. I can say that with certainty because I was living with him at the time and I saw him as I left the house. Anyway, the following is the poem I read for my husting speech.


3 Minutes (Vote for me)

3 minutes is not a great deal of time
Particularly when you are trying to rhyme
Each line with the next, as you might expect
Some meaning gets lost to poetic effect
And what’s more, as I’m sure, you can all imagine
It’s quite difficult when on every line you have to try and maintain some semblance of scansion

Perhaps I’ll stop now, before it gets worse
Do a normal speech and just call it ‘free verse’
It would certainly seem like the easy way out
But that’s not what I think this position’s about

It’s a line that as laureate I won’t be towing
When the going gets tough the tough write poems
And so, in the, let’s say, 2 minutes remaining
I hope that I’ll have enough time to explain in
What ways I believe I deserve this position
Over and above my ‘in quotes’ competition

I think, that as poet, it’s my job to reflect
On what makes us Corpuscles, and pay my respect
To the champions spirit I feel here at Corpus
From the president down to the lowliest tortoise

And though by big colleges we may be scorned
The truth is we’re small but perfectly formed
So our college has never been royally chartered
And I’m a psychologist don’t get me started
On how big a tower you need for a clock
I mean come on, no-one has that small an...imagination
And we don’t have more cash than an African nation
We don’t keep deer on our private land
Our most famous alumnus is Ed Milliband

But when tourists and visitors take me to task
And while I’m holding their cameras predictably ask
What’s that strange bird on the coat of arms, well I can
Tell you right now it’s our glorious Pelican

And though that last line was admittedly forced
That bird in the quad should still be the source
Of great pride, after all it’s the power of this symbol
That gives us our heroes like ‘Corpus Christi Trimble’
And that lends us strength when we face the light blues
I seem to recall we won that challenge too

And so if any of you feel like me
This same sense of pride in the old triple C
Then maybe one possible way you could show it
Is to all vote for me as JCR poet.