Election Campaign

The first poem I wrote for Poet Laureate actually came a year before I ran for the position. I might post it with an explanation at some point, but for now I though it best to begin at the beginning, with the three poems written as part of my election campaign. First up, a straight up ode to another noble and hotly contested (i.e. of limited responsability) JCR office, the Tortoise Keeper.


Honour

Corpus has a proud tradition
A noble JCR position.
Our honour and our dignity
Is their responsibility.
They hold the college colours high.
The Pelican shall always fly
On wings of grace, enduring beauty.
Most of all though, it’s the duty
Of Corpus Christi’s Tortoise Keeper
To nobble the bastard from Blue Peter.


Next up, musings on the necessity of a good campaign photo.


Image

Though elections are won by a slate,
In positions that carry less weight,
You’ll probably win
If you pose yourself in
A pretentious black and white portrait.


Now, at the time of the election there was a mighty hoo-haa in the JCR about the position of LGBTQ officer. In an attempt to lubricate the democratic process, I wrote this poem to explain some of the complex issues to the lay-corpuscles. I think I was successful.


‘ABC’

‘A’ ‘B’ ‘C’ ‘D’ ‘E’ ‘F’ ‘G’,
LGBTQ and ‘E’
‘E’ for ‘Equal Opps’ of course,
Although this post has been the source
Of common room controversy.
I think the problem seems to be
Regarding the precise division
Of our equality provision
(It seems it would defeat the aim
If everyone just got the same).
Which may seem just a bit absurd
And queer (perhaps that’s not the word
That in this context should be used).
Is this all making you confused?
Then maybe I should spell it out
And hopefully assuage your doubt.

‘L’ is for ‘Lesbian’, ‘G’ is for ‘Gay’
‘B’ means ‘Bisexual’ (could go either way)
‘T’s for ‘Transsexual’, when ‘he’ is a ‘her’
‘Q’s are still ‘Questioning’ which they prefer
And lately they’ve added an ‘A’ on the end
For ‘Asexual’, maybe you’ve noticed the trend
In Oxford it seems that whatever your preference
You’ll have a unique alphabetical reference
And even if all of you already know it
Please still vote for me as your JCR poet.


And finally, this last one got me in deep trouble (I was asked to take down my posters) because apparently those running for office aren't allowed to mention other candidates on their campaign material. However, being an iconoclastic maverick anarchist, and seeing as I'd spent a whole afternoon and half my blue-tac putting the damn things up, I left it. I don't think Jeff minded. You didn't mind did you Jeff?


Smear
(a Haiku)

Jeff is very tall,
But that doesn’t mean he’s good
At writing poems.

Matt, the other guy,
Has a poster of Thatcher.
Says it all really.